You will perhaps recognize this from your life. You set a goal and you promise yourself you’re going to make it – this time for sure! You announce proudly to your friends or family that this is what you’re going to be, do or have. Awesome!!
Time passes by. Three months. Six months. Or even a year. And you’re still 10 kilos overweight. You’re still in the same job, even though you’ve been talking for months that you’d like to do something more meaningful and satisfying. You’re still hanging out with that friend who’s sucking life out of you…Or you’re still in debt which makes you worry and anxious. Time is passing by. And yet nothing has really changed. You’re basically in the same situation as when you made that promise.
Similar scenario was playing out in my recent client’s life – let’s call her Alice. Alice wanted passionately to start a new business project besides her daily job. As I saw Alice talk about it, I was not a second in doubt that the project was something she would love doing and that would make her really happy. Alice started thinking about this project about a year ago.
When we took a closer look at what she actually had done over the last year in regard to the project, we could both agree that not much had happened. Alice was very busy but she wasn’t making any progress in moving forward with her project. When I asked her what was standing in her way, she could mention a number of reasons. Alice had very little free time. When she got home after work, she was tired and had very little energy. From time to time she also had to say yes to work overtime. Moreover, she wanted to spend some time with her closest friends, and she used especially lots of energy trying to support one of her friends who was going through a difficult divorce. And she also lacked willpower…
In fact there were many things standing in the way of Alice’s dream project. And all of them seemed very real and valid. Too little time, too many duties, overwhelm, lack of energy….I’m sure you can relate. We can want something, yet life gets in the way….
However, what we uncovered during our time together was that all these reasons were not the REAL reason keeping Alice from moving forward with her project.
The REAL reason was not at all what Alice thought it was. The deeper REAL reason was that Alice was not feeling SAFE. She wanted the project but deep inside she did not feel SAFE about her project becoming a success!! To her big surprise, Alice became aware that there were quite a lot of things that she didn’t feel good about if she really succeeded. She wasn’t feeling safe about having to stand in the center and share her message because others might misunderstand and judge her. She was also afraid that she would have to constantly defend herself as others might come with critical comments. Moreover, she was feeling uncomfortable about standing confident and proud as her success might upset her close friends and family. She was also afraid that the project may fail financially….
Even if Alice said she wanted her project, she saw now that deep inside she also did not want it, because there were so many things that she didn’t feel safe and good about if her project became her reality. Alice’s body was full of tension.
No wonder things were staying status quo in Alice’s life. If you don’t FEEL good about where you’re heading, you’ll be subconsciously pushing your success away from you. If you don’t feel good and safe about something, you’ll always tend to move towards circumstances that make you feel better and more comfortable.
I’m happy to share Alice’s story because it’s such a good example about how we often sabotage ourselves and stand in our way without even being aware of it. We can decide and want many things and we can make excellent plans. But if we deep inside feel doubt or fear or not safe about where we’re going, we’ll be getting in our way and making little progress, if any progress at all. If we have fears, doubts, worries or insecurities deep inside, in our subconscious, these fears and doubts will manage our behavior and our progress unless we choose to shed light on them and get free from them once and for all.
I’m so happy that Alice was able to see the REAL reason why she was feeling stuck. Now she was ready and able to do something about it. She was ready to look into and deal with the real reason.
So what’s the REAL reason that YOU aren’t moving forward and still staying where you are? What’s the UPSIDE or benefit of staying where you are? What will be the DOWNSIDE or what you’re afraid of if your goal became your reality?
Just a sidenote. You don’t have to search for the real reason nor deal with it. It’s totally up to you. It’s your choice!
However, if you don’t uncover and address the REAL reason, there’s a very big chance that it’ll be managing your life and your results from behind the scenes and holding you away from moving forward towards what you truly want… If you don’t deal with the real reason, you might find yourself spinning the wheels and wondering why success is somewhat meant for others and not for you…
